Anxiety. It can be hard to find the positives in it. But for me, there was one. Anxiety helped me to empathise and be optimistic for others.
After becoming a mum, I felt pressured by what I thought society expected of me.
“It’s the best time of your life”
“You can’t imagine life before them”
“Your life is now complete”
“You’ll be overwhelmed with love and joy”
I felt terrible stomach burning guilt for weeks – because I had other thoughts.
I was overwhelmed with worry for my daughter, second-guessing everything and feeling sick from sleep deprivation. An impending feeling of doom washed over me when I realised I couldn’t sleep for more than 1.5 hours straight while my baby fed 2 hourly.
I remember not being as connected to motherhood as I thought I should be. After all, there are so many people who want to be parents and they can’t. How could I be so ungrateful as to not enjoy every second? That guilt lifted immediately the day that I confided in a close friend, who was open and honest in return. I realised how easy it is to curl up in a ball and not venture out into the world. If I hadn’t pushed myself to do so, I may not have laughed with a friend that week or come to the realisation that I wasn’t a complete nut job! The simple act of talking honesty healed me and it healed my friend.
We now laugh…
“Remember the time you were so exhausted you dreamed of handing your baby to the Department, thinking I tried this parenting thing, I’m not cut out for it”.
“Or the time I freaked out at the realisation that I was stuck with this baby for the rest of my life, and I’ll never sleep more than 2 hours again”. “When you drove past a couple walking their dog and huffed to yourself jealously … Look at them they still have a life, they don’t have kids”.
Why didn’t someone tell me that it takes time to adjust and get to know your baby? That if you persevere, the love will grow stronger than you had ever imagined. That you’ll form unbreakable family ties and value family above everything else.
Mums sometimes say “I didn’t get out of the house until mine were 3 months old”. Back then my reply was often “today is a good day, you didn’t see me yesterday – PJ’s as day wear, the house is like a bomb hit it and somehow I didn’t eat for the entire day”. A mum once shared a story about the day she took her newborn for a walk down the street and her boob was out to say hello – in amongst the ‘newborn foggy haze’. She could see the funny side of it too since it happened a while beforehand.. ahh and it made me feel normal.
This is where I’m meant to be..
The choice to specialise in newborn photography came from a love of photography and the desire to comfort babies and share stories with mums. Newborns are the building blocks of life. If you are my newborn client, I will certainly offer maternity, first year milestones and ongoing family services. I love “my” families and watching “my” babies grow!
As crazy as parenting is, I love it. You know those car trips on the way to visit friends? It’s a bloody circus, tears, boogers, crying, yelling, hitting each other… I laugh to myself, are we really taking them in public? We arrive, open the doors, kids stop crying, silence happens and we enter looking like a ‘normal’ family. Doing it like a Boss.
Don’t you wish you had more time to actually ‘see’ your kids, rather than a rushed glance to check they aren’t juggling knives or forking power points? Chaotic days like this, I wish I made time to watch them play, noticing the little quirks in the things they do.
Sometimes all I want is to enjoy a cuppa in peace. Rueben decides it’s time to wrestle on the couch while I try to explain the dangers of a hot cup of tea. They both linger like a bad smell waiting to have the last sip. I haven’t finished reading one line of a text message yet. I’m a bad mum – I forget and drink it all, so I make another to share with my kids
You hate getting your photo taken, but you do it anyway because you know how much this means to your kids. You are the reason these amazing creatures exist. They adore you. You are their entire world. Mums are behind the camera capturing special moments. Got to love our husbands but they suck at getting us in photos, we must ask them!
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The beauty of capturing your world on film is that you find yourself being present here and now, taking in all that your children are, realising this present moment will soon be the past, a beautiful moment, a memory.
See one of my top 5 favourite newborn sessions here.